Maybe you’ve just said “I do” and walked down the aisle or maybe you’ve been married for ten years. Either way, you are set to spend the rest of your life with your significant other, which includes a lifetime of sex as well. Not surprising, sex can be a sensitive topic that causes couples to tread lightly.
Both parties have specific preferences and desires when it comes to intimacy. Certain insecurities can arise when thinking about sex that are uncomfortable to address but that can interfere with a healthy sex life. No matter where you fall on the spectrum in your marriage, just know that nothing is set in stone. Sex can be continuously improved in marriage.
10 Sex Tips to Improve Marital Intimacy
This article will help you lay a foundation for sexual fun and union with your spouse that will get better over time.
1. Sex is Not the Point of Marriage
If you have a one-track mind that is constantly thinking about sex, you could run into problems in your marriage. Sex is a manifestation of your love for each other. “Sex should never be just a physical rush, but a tender, passionate connection. Without the playful, loving companionship, sex becomes another buzz that loses its perspective and has increasingly diminishing returns.”
If your marriage is crumbling, chances are your sex life is too. It’s hard to be intimate with someone who isn’t putting the marriage first. The more couples work to strengthen their marriage, the better their sex life can become. When two people feel cherished and respected, their sex life will reflect that.
2. Make it Fun
Sex doesn’t have to be monotonous or even seductive all the time. Sex is often best enjoyed while being silly and playful. Cracking an appropriate joke takes the pressure off the act, lowers your guard and allows those insecurities to decrease.
When a flair of fun is present, it’s easier to try something new without feeling like you have to get it right at first. You experience a deeper level of freedom by incorporating elements of fun into the bedroom. Turn a game of hide-and-seek into foreplay. Get creative and see where it leads you.
3. Learn Something
Talk to your spouse to uncover what he or she truly wants during sex. If your spouse doesn’t know you can ask more detailed questions. Did you like when I did X? How did you feel when we did Z last night? Sex is a two-way street, but you might be shocked to find out a lot of couples don’t consider what feels good to their spouse.
On that same note, learn what you like too so that you can express that to your spouse. You can’t make suggestions unless you know what turns you on. Don’t be shy to try new positions, angles or techniques until you find what works best for you. Sex is designed to be explored, specifically in the context of marriage. And how can you know what truly brings you the most pleasure unless you know a little something about sex?
4. Give Your Bodies a Break
Although we are all born naked, not everybody is comfortable being naked. Media and culture define beauty and dictate how a body should look. A magazine will quickly tell you how you aren’t good enough. It’s up to you to silence the noise in your head and give your body the love it deserves.
Take time to praise different parts of your body instead of speaking negatively over your body. Once you accept your body that translates into assertiveness in the bedroom. Focus on being intimate with your spouse and enjoying the time in the bedroom with each other.
Don’t hold yourself, or your spouse, to some impossible standard. Focusing on what you want to fix about them won’t make you any happier. Criticism isn’t normally a turn-on for people. If you expect your spouse to love you for who you are, you should extend the same love to him. Build up your spouse in the bedroom by affirming and accepting each other.
5. Communication is the Key
Your spouse lacks the power to read your mind. No matter how long you’ve been married. Talking about sexual preferences might make you uncomfortable, especially if you grew up in the church. Don’t be afraid to communicate before, during, and after sex.
Let your spouse know when something he or she is doing feels good. Share when you are feeling hesitant about a certain technique. What sounds like fun to you? Is there something you have been desiring to try but are too self conscious to bring it up? Communication is key to a successful sex life.
6. Get Creative
I know we briefly touched on this earlier in the article, but let’s dig a little deeper. Take the time to prepare a novel experience for you two. Add some romance to your sex life by lighting some candles, putting rose petals on the bed and buying some massage oil to help your spouse relax and unwind.
It might sound like a cheesy romance, but most spouses love any type of effort to add creativity to the bedroom. Does your husband like video games or superheroes? Buy a superhero costume and surprise your husband. A sexual surprise works wonders to boost your sex life.
7. Make Time for Sex
Are you too busy for sex? Depending on what stage of life you are in, it could be difficult to make time for sex. Maybe you are both juggling work, kids and trying to pay down debt. Some days you just want to make it to the bed in one piece after scraping baby puke off your shirt.
Some couples put sex on the calendar and make it a priority. It might sound too structured, but sex can be easily put on the back burner if you are stressed or overworked. It also helps to know when you feel more sexual.
Maybe you prefer mornings when you are still fresh or the evening when you can relax through a time of intimacy. You don’t need to make it a regimented act, but when the week gets busy it can give you both something to look forward to by having sex on the calendar.
8. Be Romantic
Romance begins way before you enter the bedroom. When you genuinely know your partner, you can create moments for romance. Does your wife like sweet notes to be scattered around the house? Write a sweet note and tape it to the coffee machine. Does she like to enjoy the great outdoors? Create a picnic and pick the best trail to enjoy your lunch.
Does your husband like to talk about his business? Praise him for a recent successful business deal and ask him to tell you how he managed to secure the sale. Does your husband enjoy watching sports? Buy his favorite player’s jersey and ask him to catch a game with you. Bonus points if you make his favorite meal.
9. Naked and Unashamed
Because sex outside of marriage, is not a part of God’s design, most Christians grow up believing sex is dirty. It takes time to rewire the brain to believe sex inside of the marriage covenant can be exhilarating and wild. Just as you shouldn’t be ashamed of one another, don’t be ashamed of sex. God designed sex and Song of Solomon shows this love on display.
My beloved is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies. Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn my beloved, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills. – Song of Solomon 2:16-17
The couple in Song of Solomon doesn’t view sex as just a way to procreate, but as a way to deepen intimacy with each other. This couple was enjoying their physical union until dawn.
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth: A loving doe, a graceful fawn – may her breasts satisfy you always; may you be captivated by her love forever. – Proverbs 5:18-19
Our bodies are meant to be given to each other. Sex doesn’t have to be boring, but excitement can be infused through intimacy.
10. Make Intimacy Intimate
Learn to be vulnerable and affectionate with your spouse. Sex isn’t just about the physical, but emotional aspects too. Sex can be a time to show your partner how you feel about them. Express what you love about your spouse and why you desire to have greater intimacy.Continue Reading